I cannot tell you how many times I have asked my fellow Christian men what their favorite verse is and they come back with wives and their submission. Well, gentlemen, I have bad news for you. If you expect your wife to follow that verse with you ignoring the previous verse and the next 11 versus then you are in for trouble.
Let’s look at this section of the Bible a little more closely. What Paul was talking about when he addressed the church of Ephesians. To begin with, don’t skip to verse 22 without first reading verse 21. See in verse 21, we are told to submit to one another. Paul opens with a statement to show that even though he is about to get specific on each partner’s role, we must first submit to each other. I am sorry to say, but if you miss submitting yourself to her, you have no leg to stand on.
If our wives “submit” then what is our role?
Okay, I will calm down a bit. I don’t mean to be so confrontational. However, the truth is if we don’t first submit to our wives, then we can’t expect them to do the same. But I understand figuring out what that looks like can be challenging as men. Guess what? Paul knew we would have this problem.
In the next 11 versus, Paul breaks down what it looks like to be a responsible man of God. First, he likens the relationship between husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and the church. Remember the crucifixion? We may expect our wives to submit to us, but first we must be willing to sacrifice our own lives. In the next section I will elaborate on how that looks in today’s world.
He continues to next say that we must love our wives just as Christ loved the church. He gave up himself to save encourage and empower the church, not to make them feel guilty. Are we seeing a theme here? Paul next talks about why this sacrifice benefits both our marriage and the man himself.
Show me the logic
I don’t know about you, but when I am given advice, I like to ask for the logic. Sometimes this helps me make a decision and other times it hinders me. Regardless, Paul knew we would ask the logical questions on how does this principle make sense. To sum up his poetic words, it makes sense to sacrifice for our wife because we truly love her. Don’t we want to present our family before God Holy and Clean? If we love our wife and love ourselves, doesn’t it make sense to at least treat her just as good as we treat ourselves?
Lastly, he mentions that as men we are to leave our father and mother and be one with our wife. The love and respect we have towards our parents our life was not molded for their own benefit, but so you understand how to give that same love and respect to your wife.
How does that look like in real life?
I know these words were written almost 2,000 years ago, so real life application can be challenging at times. I submit to you a formula, however, that will make this easy. Besides reading The Love Dare, which I highly recommend, try these simple steps to start to understand our role as husbands, before we expect any submission.
- In the morning, before you address any of your needs, ask her if you can get anything for her.
- Before indulging on your favorite snack, dessert, or meal, ask your wife if she wants a bite. Make sure you offer her the first bite.
- Call your wife before you call your Mother. If you have big news to share or are just catching up on the day, make sure you do that with your wife before any other person, especially your parents.
- Compliment her daily. If you can look in the mirror and be proud of anything you see, then your wife needs to know each day that you appreciate something about her.
Before you comment below that this will not save all the troubled marriages in our world, I have to completely agree. These simple steps are meant to get you started. Your spouse will notice a change and it will at least open some dialogue on what you are trying to do. And by the way gentlemen, the only right answer when she asks you why you are doing these things is, “I Love You.”
Would you like more information on Godly marriages or simply would like to open a dialogue about this topic, send me a message. I would love to help you on your daily journey of life.
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