Day 10: March 27, 2020
I am super excited about this chapter because it covers a word that is so misunderstood that often times when we pursue this idea that we end up hurting ourselves. Think about what unconditional means to you.
I have battle wounds, literal scars, that show I have learned this lesson the hard way.
I hope after today you have a new understanding and actions to take toward the pursuit of perfecting your love to your favorite person.
What is Day 10 about:
Today we are going to talk about how true love is unconditional.
Let’s dissect the word unconditional for a minute.
To set a condition on something means in order for one action to happen, another action must take place first or have a guarantee to take place.
For example; when you sit down in the barber or stylist chair, you have created a conditional situation. You expect to receive a haircut by a certified stylist or barber and the artist expects to receive a payment post performance based on prices established.
If the stylist does not perform, then there is an expectation in that relationship where you do not have to pay, or at least have the right to speak up.
Unconditional means that there is an act without an expectation of reciprocation.
Let me say that in a different way.
Unconditional means there is NO expectation associated with the event except for the completion of the event itself.
Now this is tough.
When I pick up my daughter to tell her goodnight in a loving way, I expect that to be reciprocated and her give me a hug back. So even a simple loving act like that is not unconditional.
So what does it mean that love is unconditional?
Are we capable of this?
What do I think about the material:
“Lasting love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.”
Read that again.
Two things I want to point out here that the chapter is working on driving home.
First, love is a choice and not a feeling. See feelings are what we have when someone does something for us. When we are given gifts or praise or anything else we desire, our heart flutters and we say we love someone. But in reality, we love what they did for us.
Let’s take it a step further.
The chapter says the person you are loving is not the one that determines that they are loved. In other words, not the amount of things they do can make you love them. The fact is you have to love them for who they are at the core.
If you look at your significant other and say you love them for how they make you feel rather than how you feel about who they are, then I must ask if you really love them or do you like what they do for you?
I know that is tough, but take some time and think about it, because here is the silver lining; if you love someone for who they are and not for what they do, then no amount of wrongdoing will make you stop loving them.
I know what you are thinking, “does that mean I have to let them hurt me?”
In short, no.
We don’t get into this in this chapter, but it is possible to love someone unconditionally and guard your heart as well.
What was my task and how did I perform the task:
Today’s task is to do something out of the ordinary for your loved one to show them that you love them based on your choice and nothing more.
This one will be a challenge. I will have to think about what I am going to do then get back to you…
I am back.
This ended up being more of a challenge than I thought.
Let me explain.
See you may have noticed so far that Jess is a high priority in my life. You can say this is negative that I put her on a “pedestal,” but the truth is taking care of her needs and want has truly brought me joy through the years, so why wouldn’t I focus on her everyday.
So I spent all day trying to figure this out and realized, maybe something I can do is nothing.
Jess has been working really hard on a morning routine.
She is killing it.
When the alarm goes off we turn the light on and she is off. I know Jess is not a morning person so it does not go without notice that she struggles to do this, but like I said, she is doing a phenomenal job. Back to that “her not being a morning person” part…
Sometimes in the morning her communication skills have not reached their optimal level. When we communicate in the morning, it is inevitably difficult. From an outside perspective it would appear that she is mad at me, but I truly know that it has nothing to do with me. Most mornings, no matter how hard I try, I take it a little personal.
“If she loved me would she talk to me like that?”
I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but the fact is that she feels comfortable enough and trusts my love enough that she can wake up and rock it and not have to worry about my delicate feelings.
So today’s act, made by choice, is not to react.
This was tough.
What was Jessica’s reaction:
No visible reaction, but I don’t think I expected one. I am going to stay true to the course on this particular action, because I am curious about the long term effects.
Could she become a morning person simply because of her habit and my support?
We shall see.
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