The Love Dare

Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

 October 17, 2020

By  Jonathan Biles

Love Dare Day 17: April 4, 2020

What is Day 17 about:

Day 17 in The Love Dare uses intimacy in the title, but the chapter is really about secrets. How do intimacy and secrets relate?

What do I think about the material:

This topic is a sensitive one for Jessica and I, but not why you would think.

Growing up keeping my own secrets was always a challenge. I often overshared my own experiences or thoughts and it often caused unneeded pain in my life. Unfortunately I didn’t learn much from the scars.

Fast forward to my marriage to Jess. I contribute this to the fact that we are both story tellers, but she likes to share as well. Over the years, we learn by over-sharing that some secrets are meant to keep within the marriage.

But what about inside the marriage? Should there be secrets?

This chapter tackles this sensitive subject by first talking about what intimacy looks like. It states that true intimacy is having someone that knows everything about you, but still loves you completely.

I think this is a two part process. First, if we are concerned that our spouse doesn’t truly love us, then I must ask, do they truly know us first? If we have secrets then we are preventing our loved one from being intimate.

Second, does our spouse trust us with their secrets?

Not all secrets are warm and fuzzy, in fact most of the time they are not. But it is important for them to trust us enough with their secrets before we can experience true intimacy.

This chapter ends with a very important point and I greatly appreciate what it says. It gives us guidance on what to do when the secrets are not acceptable and our spouse needs help.

We are called to be compassionate and not correcting. If your spouse has a secret that really needs some attention, we should be an agent of support and not an agent of forced change.

One last note. If we have made the error in the past of violating this part of our relationship, then this will be the most challenging portion to heal. Trust is difficult to gain and easy to lose. My personal advice, be patient.

What was my task and how did I perform the task:

Today’s challenge is all about building that trust and intimacy. The challenge is one I honestly perform everyday, but I am sure I could improve.

The challenge is to guard your significant other’s secrets and pray for them. If you currently don’t have the trust of your spouse, then talk to them with acceptance and open up to them.

What was Jessica’s reaction:

This might be the strongest part of my relationship with Jess, so I did not find it necessary to have a deep conversation with her. As a result, there is no reaction to document, but I will keep her in my daily prayers.

Have you ever wanted to be a copywriter or looking for a side-hustle? Check out Nicki’s page. She got me started down this amazing journey.

Satisfaction in the bedroom is one of the most important components of a happy life. If you’re feeling stuck or looking for the next adventure. Check out Jessica B. and her lotions, potions and things that go buzz in the night!

Curious what I do on my free time when I am not writing?
Check out my business’ home page: CCSE

Jonathan Biles. Mentor and Founder of Triumph University Triumph and achieve peace

About the author 

Jonathan Biles

Jonathan Biles is a well-respected writer of fiction stories across the globe. He has worked with multiple publishing entities from print newspaper to Amazon Kindle. With a degree from The University of Idaho and print experience with Texas Tech University, he is sought after as a feature writer amongst his peer group. His readers rate him as a 5-star author and has won awards from Columbia University. As an author, he can transport you from daily chaos to worlds and adventures sure to entertain through his vivid imagery.

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