Love Dare Day 19: April 7, 2020
What is Day 19 about:
One of the most important lessons of my marriage is that loving my wonderful wife Jessica unconditionally is impossible. Well, at least it is impossible based on my own natural ability.
Day 19 is about understanding how we are humans and therefore we fail. The only way to love with agape love is to seek the true master.
What do I think about the impossible material:
I am a bit of a perfectionist. Long time ago, my parents instilled in me a tremendous work ethic. I grew up watching both of my parents work hard to provide for me and my siblings. They did this without complaining to us or God.
That work ethic has grown in me to a belief that if I am not giving 100% in each of my actions then I am basically failing. My marriage is no exception to that rule. It has, however, created a sense of control in our love that has created so much frustration over the years.
Often times I would do my best to love Jess, only to find myself failing. I didn’t get it. Most of the things I work hard at I end up succeeding because of my brute effort. Countless times over and over again I would take what I thought was the right approach only to fail. I wold sacrifice, open my heart, and simply be there, but I would still fail.
This chapter discusses that this is because of our sinful condition. The standard of agape love that God created and instilled in us to desire is not achievable without him. The analogy it gives is that you can’t give away something you don’t have. For example, no matter how giving you want to be, if you don’t have a million dollars then you can’t give it away.
So what are we to do?
God says that if we seek him and abide in Him, then his words abide in us. We have the secret formula. If we are not to exude the kind of love He intended for us to give, then we must tap into that resource.
This reminds me of something I learned in project management years ago. The greatest project managers are not those that are experts in every aspect of the project, but they are experts in managing the experts. If we are able to become experts at having God’s love within us, then he will do the heavy lifting.
A bit of a relief huh?
My task and how did I perform the task:
Today’s dare was to go over the first 18 dares and answer the following:
- Do they reveal a difficulty in you ability to love your spouse?
- Did some seem impossible?
- Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and give you His ability to love?
Absolutely, Absolutely, Absolutely!
Seriously though, each dare has pointed out to me one major aspect about how I love others, and not just Jess. I want to be in control of the amount of love and how I give that love. But, I am not capable. This creates a constant frustration in my life.
My goal through this and through my daily walk is that I learn how to let go of that control and let His love flow through me.
This challenge wasn’t directly geared to her, so there was no reaction to today’s dare.
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