Love Myself

Irritating How Irritated I Get With Myself!

 March 15, 2021

By  Jonathan Biles

Let’s be honest, aren’t we all a little irritating to ourselves?

This chapter really annoys me. I understand that if everyone is irritating to me that it will foster bad relationships, but I live like being irritating to myself is a form of self-improvement. If you read my last post about having manners for myself, then you know this compounds the challenges of my journey!

Does this sound familiar? You’re dutifully going through your honey-do list hoping to finish before she returns home. Third on the list is to hang the new picture she wants in the living room. Wanting to do a proper job, you gather all the tools and take extra precaution, even using your phone as a level, and proudly complete your task. All this to have her walk in the room and say, “hmm, it looks crooked.”

What is your response? Since I’ve completed The Love Dare 3 times, I know that the answer is not to bark at her frustration, but to respond with loving-kindness. So what do I do instead? Sure I show all the love and kindness outwardly, but inside my dialogue typically goes, “really Jon, you can’t even hang a picture right!” This chapter points out that having an irritating heart comes from two primary sources.

“Being easily angered an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule.” Kendrick.

Yeah, go ahead and twist that knife a little! Understanding my PTSD as I go through this journey is the most challenging aspect because most of my struggles are inward and harder to recognize. Being constantly irritated with me is a major red flag that I shouldn’t avoid. Now the question I must ask is, “what hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is preventing me from loving myself?”

Create space, but not irritating space

The challenge for today is to flip the script and stop being irritating, but instead loving. To do that, we must make space in our life for the relationship we are working on. For me, since I am working on loving myself, I must make space for love and not irritation.

Since leaving SEL in April 2019, my day-to-day activities are not very predictable. However, about a week ago, Jess and I decided to ‘go back to work.’ No, that didn’t mean applying for the typical 9-5, but to create a structure in that I can write each day and start really producing content. My game plan is simple; 3 blogs per day talking about my love dare challenge, what I am reading in The Bible, and lastly a fun little work based on a word of the day email. This plan, however, doesn’t leave much room for loving myself.

This challenge, honestly, took several days to work through. I decided to tweak the challenge just slightly to fit our lifestyle. The change is that instead of creating specific space for myself each day, I will pay more attention to my needs and give myself space when I need it. For example, Friday night my back pain had me in a terrible mood and needless to say, irritating didn’t begin to describe how I felt. Sitting there, irritation began to fill every aspect of my heart. It was so irritating how young I am, yet I have this incredible back pain.

Then I remembered the reading. This was my chance. Instead of being so irritated with my pain, why not take this chance to have some alone time. I leaned over to Jess and let her know I plan to shower then go to bed. Of course, she knew I was in pain and supported my decision. The night ended with me comfortably in bed, yes still with a little pain, but happy the way my night ended.

The fallout is real!

One major lesson I took from my Friday night disappearance is that my pursuit for self-love will not impact my core values to take care of my family. It is at my core to ensure my family is happy and taken care of. Well, guess what? I can both love myself and give my family the life I want for them without either one making huge sacrifices. I know some of my readers already know this, but not only did I not have an unintentional negative effect on them, but also I protected them from my own irritating mood.

Most nights I struggle with my back pain. Even though it doesn’t increase more at night, the stillness of the evening allows me to notice it more. Many nights, the irritation of my back leads to anger and a short temper with my wife and kids. With this challenge, I learned that my lack of ability to give myself space is more selfish and detrimental to my family than not giving myself any space. I must remember that I am human and I must take seriously my need for space in my own life.

Have you ever wanted to be a copywriter or looking for a side-hustle? Check out Nicki’s page. She got me started down this amazing journey.

Erase Shame Between the Sheets!
Sex is often seen as a taboo subject, which is why we must start the conversation to remove the false stigmas.
Check out Jessica B. and her lotions, potions and things that go buzz in the night!

Curious what I do on my free time when I am not writing?
Check out my business’ home page: CCSE

Jonathan Biles. Mentor and Founder of Triumph University Triumph and achieve peace

About the author 

Jonathan Biles

Jonathan Biles is a well-respected writer of fiction stories across the globe. He has worked with multiple publishing entities from print newspaper to Amazon Kindle. With a degree from The University of Idaho and print experience with Texas Tech University, he is sought after as a feature writer amongst his peer group. His readers rate him as a 5-star author and has won awards from Columbia University. As an author, he can transport you from daily chaos to worlds and adventures sure to entertain through his vivid imagery.

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