The Love Dare

Fight, but Fight Fair

 October 17, 2020

By  Jonathan Biles

Love Dare Day 13: March 30, 2020

What is Day 13 about:

“Fight fair” doesn’t just apply to boxing, but to our everyday lives. This chapter deals with the inevitable fact that when two human beings enter a relationship together, there will be conflict.

But it insists that if we are going to fight, that Love always fights fair.

What do I think about the material:

This chapter makes a direct correlation between the actions we take during an argument and selfishness.

I appreciate how it draws this line. It says that when we are in the heat of an argument, or in a fight, then that is when our pride is the highest.

Think about that for a second and it makes perfect sense. When we are in the midst of an argument, our natural tendency is to build walls to protect our perspective.

Doesn’t it also make sense that our other self-preservation characteristics kick in as well?

Pride, anger, and judgement are all mechanisms that we have in order to protect who we are by nature. Unfortunately, none of those characteristics make for a good relationship. Especially during an argument.

How is it then that we proceed? If our natural instinct is to revert to those behaviors, how are we to engage in a healthy manner?

Last Summer I struggled with, and I am still working on, losing my temper with our children. It was only with our children and not Jess. During that struggle I found a study in my Bible app that led me to a book titled Triggers by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake.

This book is a devotional for Christian women and is very specific on that audience, so men take note. It is a great read, just look past the feminine pronouns of the book.

A great way to prevent going off the deep end every time you are upset is to have a list of rules is the biggest take away I had.

This chapter not only suggests this, but shows that the Bible gives clear direction on how to properly “fight” with our significant other.

Take a moment and read James 1:19, Matthew 7:3, and Proverbs 15:1.

All three of these versus target how we are to communicate in challenging situations.

That leads us directly to the challenge for Day 13.

What was my task and how did I perform the task:

Day 13 is to sit down with your mate and decide on specific healthy rules to default to when arguing. If your mate is not in the space for this discussion, then we are to create a list of our own.

In the past I have opted to sit down with Jess and have a conversation with her to come up with rules, but we always find that we already abide by the rules.

To that effect, I will create a list of my own rules that I will have in any situation where I feel heated or feel that an argument is looming. Here is my list:

  1. Breath first.
  2. Ask my argument partner if I can have a moment before continuing.
  3. Take a walk to collect my thoughts.
  4. I will not yell.
  5. Ask questions instead of making statements where applicable.
  6. If I get heated enough to a point where I think I will lose my temper, I will start back at number one.

What was Jessica’s reaction:

She doesn’t have a specific reaction to this as we are not currently in an argument, but I know she will respond positively.In the past when Jess and I have engaged in heated conversation, she has a tendency to shut down and create walls.

This is always a direct result from me getting too aggressive. I believe with my list of rules that this will cause her not to feel threatened and be able to open up more during our discussions.

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Jonathan Biles. Mentor and Founder of Triumph University Triumph and achieve peace

About the author 

Jonathan Biles

Jonathan Biles is a well-respected writer of fiction stories across the globe. He has worked with multiple publishing entities from print newspaper to Amazon Kindle. With a degree from The University of Idaho and print experience with Texas Tech University, he is sought after as a feature writer amongst his peer group. His readers rate him as a 5-star author and has won awards from Columbia University. As an author, he can transport you from daily chaos to worlds and adventures sure to entertain through his vivid imagery.

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