We started school yesterday. Well, sort of. Our kids are participating via distance learning and I was ready. At least until my first point of failure. Before I got to that point, however, the day seemed to start really well. My morning routine was on point, the kids got up and got their day started on time, and school and chores were going smoothly.
Then the first stressor hit. While Emily was on her zoom, Ciena was working on her tasks, Timothy and I started organizing his pre-school learning game. To our frustration, we discovered pieces were missing. I told myself it was no big deal and we moved forward. Then confusion with Emily’s schedule, Ciena lost focus on her task, Timothy’s 4-year-old patience revealed itself, and then one thing after another. I kept telling myself to roll with it and don’t let these little things lead to ultimate failure.
But failure was just around the corner
If you read my post on 8/4/2020, you will know I struggle with my own personal perfection. I don’t expect others to be perfect, but I have a tendency to expect my own actions and speech to be the utmost of perfection. So yes, I deal with failure often. Our morning continued and some of the stressors eased, but I couldn’t let go of them. Finally it happened.
Right before lunch, one of the children decided to try to get away with something and then lied about it. That was the final straw. I lost my temper and raised my voice. As a result tears were spilled and I went for a walk to calm down. I greeted failure with open arms. So now, almost 24 hours later, our day is getting started again so what will I do to make things different?
Embrace the chaos and mistakes because we can’t control them
That is what I hope to do. If the school doesn’t communicate well and we get confused, this is not a failure. When I sit with Timothy to do his activity and he loses his interest after 5 minutes, that is not a failure. When the daily struggles and frustrations wake up and rear their ugly head, they don’t point to me as a failure. Lastly, the shame I felt with yesterday’s blow-up needs to be let go and know that today I will do better.
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