Love Dare Day 12: March 29, 2020
What is Day 12 about:
Stubbornness is a poisonous well we drink from almost every single day and I definitely drink from this well.
I know where this chapter is going from its title: Love lets the other win.
What do I think about the material:
About 2 years ago, the Pure Romance CEO Chris Cicchinelli, recommended Jess read the book How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie.
This book absolutely revolutionized the way I see how other people carry on each day.
I know, what does this have to do with The Love Dare? I will get to that I promise.
One of my favorite points Carnegie makes in his book is that when you argue with someone there is no winner. He says that when you point out another person’s wrong, the damage caused is irreversible.
That idea is completely on point with today’s material. This chapter gives us biblical examples of how God designed us to first love each other. In order to do that, we must be able to bend. Instead of letting stubbornness reign in our lives.
They use the imagery of a palm tree planted on the shores of an ocean. The tree knows the winds will come and it basically has two choices. First, it can stand firm and when the wind comes hold its ground and try not to break. Or secondly, it can learn to bend when needed and go with the wind.
Think about that for a second when it comes to our own marriages. How many times are we outright stubborn and insist on being right?
In these situations, our pride stands firm and prevents us from being flexible.
Through this book, and Being wrong by Kathryn Schulz, I have finally adopted this principle into my relationship with Jess and has helped with my own stubbornness.
It is interesting because the outside world thinks Jess always gets her way, but I have discovered something amazing.
When you bend on the things that truly don’t matter in the long run you are not only showing our significant other love, but you are creating an environment that promotes compromise and fights stubbornness.
If we learn to sway on the less impactful decisions in life, the major decisions become easier points to discuss.
What was my task and how did I perform the task:
The task for today is to pick an area of disagreement between you and your spouse and bend. We are to let them know we are intentionally putting their preference first.
I am not able to think of a single area in our lives where we are at a standstill. Maybe I will seek her opinion and get back to this.
Mulling over in my head where in our relationship do we have a standstill is how I spent the day. I couldn’t come up with one.
I decided to seek Jess’ opinion on the matter.
What was Jessica’s reaction:
I didn’t want this day to end up being a cop-out and I really tried to complete the dare. To that effort I cheated a bit and asked Jess for her opinion.
Interestingly enough, she agreed with me that there really isn’t a situation in our lives where we don’t agree on the final action. We did not get to this point in our marriage by accident.
When situations arise in our relationship that require one of us to bend, we have worked over the past 8 ½ years to listen to each other and come to a resolution before moving on.Ironically enough, that desire has often caused arguments to be more intense, but we have always come to a resolution.
I pray that we will continue this path for the rest of our lives.
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