Love Dare Day 8: March 25, 2020
What is Day 8 about:
Celebrate? I know how to Celebrate.
Love is not jealous.
Oh boy, I remember this one.
Before reading the chapter, I recall the times that I have been jealous in regards to my relationship with Jess.
The one common theme is that when I am jealous of the way she interacts with another guy, it is usually due to a perceived lack in my own self confidence.
I will never forget one time when we were hanging out with a new group of people and inevitably there were guys in the group. One guy seemed to show more interest in Jessica and often joked and talked with her. Now in that case I had two reactions I could move on.
The first of jealousy that she is into this guy and I have to stop it; or the second, I could recognize that Jess is having a good time and is dedicated to my love and is grateful for another human that can make her have fun. You know, kind of like a good tv show.
My flawed human self always takes the first path, but as our love grows deeper and stronger, I can actually be thankful for that encounter.
But for now, I have more growth to do, my mind often settles on jealousy.
What do I think about the material:
This chapter does an excellent job at drawing the line between justified jealousy and envy.
Not to minimize what this chapter is saying, but the bottom line is justified jealousy occurs when someone has legitimately done you wrong. Whereas jealousy out of envy comes from a wanting of what others had.
In my example above, my jealousy came out of envy because at that moment I was not entertaining Jessica. Now did that guy take away my ability to please Jessica?
Absolutely not. I was there.
I was in the room. He wasn’t being rude or blocking, but inclusive and I had the choice to join or not.
Therefore, my jealousy was only provoked by my own insecurities, and not an actual wrong doing on someone else’s part.
Ironically enough, after the gathering Jess informed me that she was laughing to be nice and wished she was rescued from the conversations. *smack on the head*
If I wasn’t caught up in my insecurities of the situation and had enough courage to step in, she would have been even happier and I would have reason to celebrate.
What was my task and how did I perform the task:
Today’s task is to burn the list of negative traits I wrote down yesterday. I knew this was coming, but couldn’t remember how many days apart they were.
It felt good. I don’t remember the last time’s list, but I am confident this time the list was deeper and had more impact on my day to day with her.
The second part of this challenge is to celebrate an achievement or goal with her.
It is interesting that we are taking the things we don’t like and burning them; while at the same time finding something they are good at and enjoying that celebration with them and becoming a part of that joy.
Celebrating her successes lately has become a daily routine. She has really been killing it lately and I am very proud of her and have made it a point to celebrate her daily.
What was Jessica’s reaction:
Yes, that was her reaction.
Not the jump up for joy reaction I thought I would get, but who knows what is going on inside. I think that is important to mention here. It is in our nature to want to receive feedback when we do something for others.
I think this is due to our selfish nature and is something I should work on. What if I made it through this entire journey and she had no bigger feedback than “awe, thanks.”
Should that deter me from my pursuit to love her more purely?
Should I stop at day 8 while I have not yet found out how she will react?
The answer is a resounding no!
If I am doing this only for her reaction, then I will be exhausted the rest of my life trying to get a reaction.In contrast, if I learn to love her from the purest of hearts, my efforts will become without troubles and her reaction will be based on her own journey.
My counselor a couple of months ago asked me why I, as a man, do the things I do. Do I perform as a good father and husband out of obligation, desire, or the need to be appreciated. I am still chewing on this question every day.
I know what the right answer is, but what do I do with the other two natural reactions?
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