Assumptions are the Mother of All F….Stressors

 August 21, 2020

By  Jonathan Biles

Assumptions get us into trouble all the time, but this morning, I learned that they lead to bad situations and they cause unnecessary stress. As you may be aware, Jess and I co-parent Evan with his biological father and stepmother in Moscow, ID. Over the past few weeks, I made 2 assumptions that have been stressing me out and creating potential conflicts in our co-parenting relationship.

The first was that Moscow school district was on the same schedule as Pullman school district. Pullman starts school in 5 days, but Moscow doesn’t for another 3 weeks! As a result, my assumption created stress that we had to be ready for Evan’s school and I had no attendance information. Second in my string of assumptions was that the other parents wanted Evan to attend school in person. We don’t live in fear during this pandemic, but we have 2 children with compromised immune systems. Therefore, we are taking necessary precautions. This morning I sent a clarifying text and to my surprise, they were in 100% agreement.

Assumptions are everywhere these days

I am writing this post 6 months into the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States. The opinions and reactions are all over the place, but what surprises me the most is the assumptions that we are making about one another. If your church shutdown child care was it out of fear or respect? If someone isn’t wearing a mask in public is it out of disrespect for others, or because they have a health condition preventing them from doing so?

I could go on for days about the assumptions we make on a daily basis, but the point I want to drive home is that assumptions don’t only hinder our ability to love others properly, but they create unneeded stress in your own life. Thinking back, I can’t count how many times my heart rate has increased over a potential situation that doesn’t exist, but was founded on my incredibly awkward and incorrect assumptions.

How do we do better?

That is an excellent question if I do say so myself. The simple answer is that we try. The more we are aware of the reason why we have specific thoughts, then the more aware we can be of the judgements and actions we take. Further, if we can understand our own fears and ideals then we can stop those assumptions in their tracks and take proper actions.

As an exercise, I recommend you try this. Next time someone does something you don’t agree with, do one of the two things. Either ask the person for clarifying information, or simply assume they have a good reason for their behavior. Neither one of these actions may resolve your situation, but it will prevent you from creating fake assumptions that create stress in your life.

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Jonathan Biles. Mentor and Founder of Triumph University Triumph and achieve peace

About the author 

Jonathan Biles

Jonathan Biles is a well-respected writer of fiction stories across the globe. He has worked with multiple publishing entities from print newspaper to Amazon Kindle. With a degree from The University of Idaho and print experience with Texas Tech University, he is sought after as a feature writer amongst his peer group. His readers rate him as a 5-star author and has won awards from Columbia University. As an author, he can transport you from daily chaos to worlds and adventures sure to entertain through his vivid imagery.

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